Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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