There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
