so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
