Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His nipple licking is glorious
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