didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
