Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
