anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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