i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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