I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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