So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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