dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
