Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
