somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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