I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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