i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
