yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
