I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
