I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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