no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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