you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize