I will die if light touches me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
