omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
