you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
