the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
