In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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