How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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