you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing