Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".