Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex