hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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