So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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