I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
