Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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