I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
