If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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