I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
