her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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