cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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