walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
