I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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