NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
