Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
