you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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