why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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