I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
