Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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