Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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