I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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