ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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