I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
