So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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