i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
