dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
