operation harelip BJ is a go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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