Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
