I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
