he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
