I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
