Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
