1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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