My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The Olympian is in my bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
