I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
