Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
