I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
