Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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