Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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