smell my finger.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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