don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
