i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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